Comedian Ari Shaffir

Last night was the last Nasty Show. They put on a midnight Thursday showing so the Festival wasn’t a waste in terms of industry presence. The whole last week had gone great, but nobody that mattered in Hollywood was there to see it. Last night was different. There were tons of people there and I had one of my better sets of the shows.

It was a crowd that was ready to explode. I’ve done a lot of rooms like this when I open for Joe Rogan. They’re kind of drunk when the show starts, and then they get way too drunk at some point in the middle of the show. I remember noticing it for the first time when we played a 1:00 am show at Caroline’s in New York the night of the weigh ins before the UFC event in New Jersey the next day. New Yorkers and booze go together like prisons and rape. It’s not cool, but it’s sort of expected. When I got on that night they were amped up way too much. I believe Dana White was there. And so were the TapouT guys and Dan Henderson. There were a lot of people in the audience who were super stoked to be there and it showed. But right at about 20 minutes after I got off, the booze hit too strong and the crowd started getting way to rowdy. Drunks were just yelling shit out. Somebody barfed in the room. Somebody else barfed when he smelled the first guy’s barf. It was kind of like the pie eating contest in Stand By Me only with TapouT shirts on.

(as an aside here, I think my housekeeper is just folding the end of my toilet paper roll into a point instead of changing the roll. I thought that double fold, paper airplane like origami thing was just to show that it was a new roll. What’s the point of doing it when I have 37 squares left?)

Back to the story. This crowd at the Nasty Show was like that. Thankfully, I went on right after Bobby Slayton. I could feel this huge energy in the room. Not some new agey hippie energy. Just this drunk, excited, still ok energy. They were great. But I could tell they weren’t going to last too long before they went over the cliff. And go over the cliff they did. It got too heckly. Louis CK, perhaps the best, most prolific comedian working today got added to the end of the show. It was such a treat for this crowd to get a guy like that be honest about his life after listening to me break down all the aspects of semen for 12 minutes but not all of them realized what a treat it was. At some point it got unbearable and some people had to be kicked out. But then Louis went on for another 15 minutes and really gave the crowd and myself some huge laughs. I really liked that at one point when CK was pleading with some Dbags up front to just be quiet, Bobby Slayton came running out on stage and got in their faces. It was a fun moment.

What was really interesting was that Louis and I walked back from Broken Lizard Live together and we talked for a while about his theories on comedy and writing and being prolific. He’s first and foremost a really nice, genuine human. But he’s also got a shit ton to teach anyone who wants to listen. It was a very interesting conversation and I’ll save it until I’ve processed all of it for another blog. I will tell you that he complimented me on my closer, which, even though I’m supposed to take stuff like that lightly, I didn’t. Dave Attell told me I was a good writer once, and I’ve been trying in vain to actually earn that compliment for over a year now.

The show I was most excited to see this weekend was Broken Lizard Live. I saw the opening number (and I call it a number because it was choreographed by the choreographer of the new Cirque Du Soleil) and then I had to run back to perform across the street. As SOON as I got off, I ran back over to watch the last hour of the Broken Lizard show. The did a mixture of sketch and standup. Steve had a great story about jerking it that obviously appeals to me since I love jerking it. And Kevin had a fun story about shooting his nude scene for Super Troopers. I think stories are the best way to go for people trying standup comedy. It grounds you in a real place and then lets you add details and taglines to make the story funnier. At least that’s why I love telling stories so much. I think that’s what I’ve become over the last year or two. A filthy story teller. They also showed a clip from Slammin Salmon, their new movie. It got a huge response from everybody. I think Michael Clark Duncan is going to steal that movie.

So after Broken Lizard I went back to Club Soda to say goodbye to everyone and try to schmooze Hollywood types on their way out. The one dude I’ve been trying to get to come see me for a year or more finally came and he was super nice, so I think I might have something there. And then I went and said goodbye to all the bouncers and sound people and waitresses that I’ve been working with for the last 10 days. The bouncer out front started telling me to enjoy Montreal for that last 2 days that I was here. He said, “There are tons of different neighborhoods and bars. Right here is on. And then if you go down St. Catherine, that’s the gay neighborhood. There are a bunch of gay bars there. One is called something (I don’t remember the names) and another a few blocks further is called whatever and they have newer music. And then there’s another gay bar that specializes…”
That’s when I interrupted. “Wait. Um. I’m not gay.”
The guy was shocked. “REALLY? But I thought in your act you keep talking about being gay.”
“Which part? The part where I talk about only fucking non-Jewish girls, or the part where I talk about learning about girls on the pill while I’m fucking them, or the part about watching a shit ton of straight porn, or the part about hand jobs at strip clubs, or the part about fucking a woman in Dallas? Or was it THAT I WAS WEARING A GOD DAMN CARDIGAN EVERY NIGHT AND THAT JUST HAS TO BE GAY?”
He thought about it for a moment and said, “No, I thought it was something from your act.”

Fabulous. I don’t care. I’m sticking with the cardigans.