Comedian Ari Shaffir

Well, it’s my first night of insomnia since I got here. That’s not bad. It’s been a week and I didn’t get it once until now. For a while I was getting it every time I went on the road. I’d be dead tired but for some reason as soon as I put my head on the hotel pillow, I just wouldn’t shut off. I smoked a bunch of indica, I took a sleeping pill, I got up for a while. Nothing works. I’d try beating off, but I’m up to 7 weeks on this streak and I don’t want to break it now. I don’t know what to do when this happens. I usually just fall asleep at 10am or something and then try to sleep only 5 hours so I can fall asleep reasonably the next night. I guess I can do that. I don’t have to be up until 4pm for an interview on 990 in Montreal.

But until then, I’ll just rand for a while and give you some of my observations since I’ve gotten here.

I worked with Jimmy Carr twice. He’s a nice guy. Jenn Leigh, this girl who works at the Hermosa Beach Comedy And Magic Club loves him. Tomorrow I’m gonna see if I can get him to let me record him saying hi to her. She’s a nice girl and she’s got great boobs, so she deserves a treat.

The Comedyworks show was EXACTLY what I needed. It was a packed crowd of 85 people. It reminded me so much of the Belly Room at the Comedy Store in LA. In fact, they’re both upstairs rooms. I got to fuck around a little instead of doing tried material. There was some 16 year old boy from Denmark near the front, but I didn’t notice him until after I had told a couple horrible stories about strip clubs and homosexual lust. I thought it was weird that he was there, so I decided to make it weird for everyone in the audience by asking the kid when he lost his virginity. Everybody enjoyed it but now that I think about it, it seems really pedophilyish.

I ate an Ole Ole poutine from La Banquise. It had meat sauce instead of gravy and a bunch of jalapeno pepper slices. Awesome. Perfect daytime poutine.

I saw a tee shirt in a window with a gold print of poutine on a yellow shirt. If I pass it again I’m gonna buy it no matter who I’m with or where I’ve got to be.

The pot in Montreal is not that great. It takes a lot more to get you there and you don’t stay very long.

Somebody told me that he got to Montreal yesterday and he already heard from 3 separate people about how well I did. That’s good. I have no idea how to act on that information to get me anywhere closer to getting some representation. That’s bad.

They said they might try to put me on even more shows while I’m here.

I wish I could do this all year round. Make 3 grand every 12 days to do 1, 2, or 3 shows a night in front of great crowds and have a maid come to clean my room every day and keep forgetting to give me new conditioner. That would be an awesome life.

I think I’m gonna have to have surgery on my knee again. It’s not getting better. Hopefully the e-stim will help.

I’m gonna go down and get that damn breakfast since I’m still up and it’s 7:21. I hope there is such a thing as breakfast poutine.

God DAMN that was good.

What did I tell you. The only way I’d be awake to eat breakfast is if I were STILL awake to eat breakfast.

I found the Montreal gay neighborhood yesterday. It’s really similar to the gay neighborhoods in LA in that they’re both filled with men who like to have sex with other men.

The original name for AIDS was GRIDS. It stood for gay related immune deficiency syndrome. That’s not a joke. That’s really what we used to think.

I think the way I’ll get AIDS is probably gonna be from a contaminated AIDS test needle.

Later someone will say, “That’s really ironic.” and other people will think that being ironic isn’t that interesting.

The pot in Montreal is really not that great.

I’m gonna try to hit the bed one more time.