Comedian Ari Shaffir

HEY, HEY, YOU, YOU, I DON’T LIKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND! NO WAY, NO WAY, I THINK YOU NEED A NEW ONE! HEY, HEY, YOU, YOU, I COULD BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND! HEY, HEY, YOU, YOU, I KNOW THAT YOU LIKE ME! NO WAY, NOW WAY, YOU KNOW IT’S NOT A SECRET! HEY, HEY, YOU, YOU, I WANT TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND!

I don’t care if I’m not supposed to like it. It’s fucking good. And it’s not the first time. I liked that Skater Boi song from 5 years ago.

And you know what else? Pink! is fucking sweet. That song from Charlie’s Angels where the video was everybody doing motocross was a good Goddamn song. And that slow one where that little girl was lip syncing was fucking rad too. Oh! also, the one about how everybody is trying to get her to be a dumb chick or something. That one was awesome. I even remember liking her first song when she still had pink hair and she was trying to pretend she was black.

Look, these songs were probably written by a group of ugly, middle aged Jews with no voices. It’s no different than most of the shit from the 60’s. Somebody with talent wrote a song, and then they gave it to a hot slut, and it became a hit. (Come to think of it, I know female comics with pretty similar stories. Except replace “hot” with “hot for a comic” and “slut” with “slut” and there you have it.)

So don’t beat yourself up for singing along with a really catchy anthem only to find out that it was written by a retard. Just sit back and enjoy the song. They didn’t steal their songs, their Jew managers bought them from a team of really talented Jew writers and Jew musicians (or Jewsicians). So support the surprisingly decent hits of Avril, Pink, and yes, even that first Paris Hilton song was pretty good if you didn’t know it was her. Admit it.

Here’s the deal. If you refuse to admit some of these songs aren’t bad, you’re worse than the Nazis.