Comedian Ari Shaffir

If you have any stories about how Carlos Mencia stole a joke, please send them to me. Send me a message with the subject, “Carlos Stole” or something like that. Tel me the story, and tell me if you don’t want me to include your name and I’ll make sure you’re kept anonymous.

I want to compile a list of people and bits who were raided by the world’s number one joke pirate. Make your voice heard. Be as detailed as possible and I’ll edit it down to something usable.

But don’t send it from fake accounts because I usually don’t read those.

Let’s do it comics. He normally skates by hoping that anyone accusing him of thievery will not know other people’s material or enough of Mencia’s material in order to catch him. If we have a list, I doubt he’ll be able to claim parallel thinking or “I did that joke first” about all of that material.

Every once in a while you learn something about yourself.

I just heard what sounded like my downstairs neighbors having an escalating argument that began getting violent. When I was younger I always told myself that I’d do whatever it takes to stop a man who hits a woman. And here was a chance to prove it to my childhood self. But it also could have just been the TV that was turned up too loud at their apartment.

So I turned on my TV and started trying to look for an episode of Law and Order or something where a husband was beating his wife. I told myself that if I found the TV show then I wouldn’t have to call the cops, but I think I was really looking for the TV show because it seemed like a pretty good program for 3:00 in the afternoon. And even if I couldn’t find anything, I probably still wouldn’t call the cops because, to be honest with myself, I generally just don’t get involved. But I would turn my TV off and start listening to the fight because I’m a voyeur, and a full on wife beating is pretty interesting fodder for eavesdropping.

So I guess what I learned is that there is yet another thing from my childhood that I don’t believe in any more.

Look for other blogs about the time I stopped keeping kosher, when I gave up on quitting masturbation, and about driving drunk.

If I ever met myself as a child, he’d be very disappointed, but he’d also be happy that I’m getting laid, and he’d be hurt because I’m going to smack him.