Comedian Ari Shaffir

If you’re ever in Palm Beach, Florida, do yourself a favor and make a stop at Cheetah. It’s by far the worst strip club I’ve ever patronized.

Forget about the fact that it’s tiny and cramped because of all the beer gutted rednecks there who are trying to fill void in their sex lives instead of filling in the voids in their teeth. Instead focus on the strippers, the majority of whom are so overweight as to seem six months pregnant or more. Let me emphasize this again. I’m not saying “There were a lot of fat strippers.” No. The majority of them were bigger than most of my guy friends.

Plus there were 2 winners (that I saw) who were over 45. Either that, or they were in their mid thirties, but time had ravaged their once mediocre faces.

Where does all your stripper money go? Clearly not towards fake boobs, braces or liposuction. I’m thinking a lot might go towards crank and and crank related paraphernalia.

These people need a good Jewish business manager.

Then even more horrific was a girl (who looked like she was a sophomore in high school) giving a guy a hand job in the middle of the showroom. I watched that for a good 20 minutes through a mirror so the guy didn’t catch me looking. When he was done he thanked her and pulled a cigar out from a ziplock bag and walked away. There wasn’t even any money exchanged. When I talked to her later (I have a void in my life that can only be filled by talking to the dregs of society) I found out that it was her first day and nobody had briefed her on what you’re supposed to do. She said she was 18 and graduated high school a month prior. I almost asked her if college was in the works for her, but I decided that might be in poor taste.